all you need's an air conditioner...

So it’s hot. I mean really hot. And in Berlin it’s pretty rare anyone has an air conditioner in their house so when it’s hot outside you don’t get much of a reprieve by hiding indoors. I’m not usually one to mind the heat, but I’m about to try Sutton’s plan for beating the heat! 

If you haven’t already noticed, I’m currently obsessed with Sutton foster. I’m about 10 years late discovering this amazing Broadway talent, but seriously, story of my life!

And side note: ABC Family has cancelled her television show Bunheads. Which is super lame for many reasons I won’t address here but I’m super bummed. I mean how much better can TV get when you combine awesome writer Amy Sherman-Palladino (Gilmore Girls), two-time Tony Award winner Sutton Foster, one-time Tony Award winner Kelly Bishop, and Ballet? But seriously. Go watching it. It was fantastic.

morning person

I can’t believe I haven’t tried this before, but I finally set my alarm on my phone to be a song instead of the usual “Marimba” tone it’s been for the last 4 years. The idea struck me when listening to this.

It’s ironic because I’m not even close to being a Morning Person. But the cheery song was much more pleasant to wake up to than my previous tone. And the humor made me smile a bit instead uttering the usual groan of misery. Now we’ll have to see how this plays out over time, though. The longer I associate this song with waking up, the more likely I am to just end up hating it – which would be a shame. Hopefully, I’ll be able to switch songs before that happens.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about identity. It’s so easy to come to a foreign country (or even any new place) and think, “Oh good, no one knows me here. I can reinvent myself, be whoever I want to be!” And in all honesty that’s sort of how I felt about coming to Berlin. Even though I knew I’d only be here for a few weeks, the freedom to do or be “whoever I wanted to be” was alluring. I even went on a shopping spree before coming here to Europeanize my wardrobe. And it’s funny; I loved picking out the outfits with my friend and trying out some new styles. And I’ve even worn some of the things we chose, but ultimately I’m still just as likely to go to class in a t-shirt and jeans here as I am in the States.

I think I’m rediscovering (because I remember realizing this before) that really, I am who I am. I’m the same Elizabeth in Berlin as I am in the US. And sure goals as trivial as dressing up or going to bed early and waking up on time aren’t bad; I have a tendency to think that in a new environment none of those things will be difficult. For some reason, I trick myself into thinking that in Europe (or any new place) I’ll be that person that I’ve always wanted to be. Super responsible, fashionable, in shape, thin, organized, on time, and outgoing. And then when I got here and realized I’m still the same Elizabeth who wakes up late for class and throws on a sweatshirt, eats way too much chocolate, and would rather go home at the end of the day than go out, there was a small part of me that was surprised. And perhaps if I hadn’t been through this already I’d also be disappointed. But I’m finding now that there’s something surprisingly comforting about the whole scenario. Sure it’s great to have goals of being more organized and on time, for example (something anyone who knows me can tell you is a major struggle of mine) and it’s even great to have a fresh start to remind you to be striving for these goals. But it’s also comforting to know that I don’t change just because I’m somewhere new. I’m still me, the good, the bad and the ugly. Now I’m just me in Germany.

I’m certainly not someone who things we can never change old habits, or shouldn’t be striving to improve some of our shortcomings. But I suppose my point is that it will still take work and focus to overcome our weaknesses. Changing the scenery doesn’t change the amount of effort those things take. I don’t get to move across the pond and suddenly become a Morning Person, or an extrovert, or a health nut, or even more spiritual, or [fill in the blank]. Which is okay. I do still get to be me and learn a ton about what that means and hopefully a bit more about what God wants me to do with this crazy package of talents and flaws He’s given me.  

And as far as mornings are concerned, I guess I’ll just have to keep finding super peppy Sutton Foster songs to wake me up. We’ll see if that changes my attitude! :)

around the city

So I have a confession to make. I broke down and bought a metro pass. I’ve been biking significantly less (although still sometimes). I just finally realized that for me biking a minimum of 14 mi every day, in a foreign city who’s roads rival DC’s in terms of their difficult navigation was too much. It wore me out to the extreme and made it harder to get other places. So I bought a metro pass and suddenly the whole city feels open to me. Last week I spent one entire day after class just roaming around and the city running different errands trying different things (such as Marzipan which is actually not bad!) and just generally enjoying the city I’m living in. I wouldn’t have been able to do it all on the bike. So I’m very glad I decided to spring for the ticket. I’ll still try to sell the bike when I leave and hopefully get the money back, so if all goes well there shouldn’t be a net loss there. :)

Since I’ve bought the pass I’ve most certainly been riding the metro more often. It usually involves me putting on my head phones and blasting show tunes for the duration of the trip, but sometimes there’s a cute baby or dog to smile and wave at. Today there were two sweet little girls sitting across from me. They were clearly on some sort of class trip (I’ve seen a few of these) and their whole group piled on the metro grabbing any available seats. I actually took out my head phones to listen to them. Young children tend to speak slower and use fewer words which means, I have a shot at understanding what they’re saying. I didn’t actually catch much, other than many “in der Schule,” “in der Schule” remarks. But finally I decided to ask one of the girls their name. They both told me and then proceeded happily to chatter on about one of the girls’ rash(??) on her arm and how tired they were. “Wir schlafen, wir schlafen,” they said with their eyes wide open but heads placed together on one of the girls back packs. It was very cute. And the whole experience confirmed what I already knew about children. You don’t actually have to know what they’re saying for them to continue talking. Lots of head nodding and smiling is more than enough encouragement. :)

It was a fun bit of practice. Speaking to children is considerably less scary since they’re 10 times less likely to be frustrated or insulted when I use improper grammar. :) I should start babysitting…!

So here are some pictures from my recent adventures:

 KaDeWe American section. I was looking for pre-made pie crusts for my dirt pudding. They did not have any, and now many KaDeWe employers may think I'm crazy. 

 So this is what the rest of the world thinks of our cuisine :)

 The Marzipan.

Some lovely graffiti I get to see every day on my metro commute to school. I won't grow up!

Always a fun time on the metro. Look her hair matches her shirt! :)

the halfway point

So where to begin? So much has happened in the last week and a half.

Last week I began to panic because I felt like the time is going by so quickly and I just wanted to make sure I was using every second wisely. What I’ve since discovered is that I’m not super productive in the US and that has not changed. :) Burdening myself with having to schedule out every ounce of my time will just mean that none of my time here is enjoyable. I’ve also had to decide between forging relationships with people here in Berlin, or traveling elsewhere in Europe. Last week I was feeling like I was wasting precious time on weekends not traveling the countryside, but instead staying in Berlin and watching a movie with new friends I’d just met at Berlinprojekt. However now at the halfway point, I have a new, and I think, healthier perspective. I’ve decided that my two priorities are learning the language (well learning as much of it as I can) and forging relationships here in Berlin. I don’t need to rush around to every single site I can find just to say that I’ve been there. I can stay here and just enjoy residing here among the people. This isn’t a 15 day backpack trip across Europe. (Although, I may come back to do that at some point – and a few people have reminded me, this does not have to be the only time I come to Europe. It will still be here.) I don’t have to turn my weekends and all free time into one large sightseeing event. It’s enough to just go do my homework at a Café. Or spend time with my new friends, classmates, and roommates.

Speaking of roommates that brings up a fun story from this evening. I am currently living with two other people. A girl from Germany, a guy from Italy and there's me from the States. Since we’re all from different nationalities, we came up with the idea that we should have 3 dinners together during our time here. At each dinner, one of us will cook typical food from our country for the others. So fun! I went first tonight with American fair. It was interesting figuring out what to make, mostly because I didn’t just want to make burgers. I’m not an expert burger maker, we don’t have a grill, and they can easily get a good American style burger at a here restaurant. So I tried to think of foods that captured part of my experience in America. I landed on Mac and Cheese with a side of a Waldorf Salad and one of my favorite childhood dishes for dessert, Dirt Pudding. I used a Martha Stewart recipe for the Mac and Cheese and oh my gosh, it was good! And super easy. I halved the recipe and I still had over half for leftovers. (Here’s the link to the recipe, if you’re interested.)

 

 The Dirt.

The whole spread.

The evening was lovely. I told them a little bit about the dishes and then we ate. We ended up talking about everything from our days at work/school to the health care systems and tax policies in our respective countries. It’s been delightful to get to know them both a bit better and discuss our countries with one another. It’s so interesting to hear about how another country deals with the same problems differently. I’m very pleased to have landed two kind and generous flat mates who are both also interested in getting to know one another and the cultures we all come from.

God is good, all the time.

 

mommy I fell down. but I have to get back up…

So I’m 4 days into language classes, after tomorrow I’ll have finished with my first full week! Crazy! It’s been a lot to take in. My vocabulary is probably my biggest weakness at this point. I don’t remember a lot of the grammar but usually it comes back to me after we discuss it in class. Vocab on the other hand… well that’s challenging. If you’re ever looking for a way to completely frustrate yourself and feel utterly and totally incompetent, enroll in immersion language courses. But I hear this is the best way to learn, so I’ll report back on that in another 4 weeks!

And now, I have another story to tell. On Monday, I bought a bike. I figure the 7 mi ride to class each day will be great exercise and cheaper than riding the metro. Since I’m planning on selling the bike once I leave, I’ll hopefully get all or most of the money back. Tuesday was my first day riding it around and while the long trek to class was tireing, I also felt energized. I also biked to my first German tap class which was sehr spaβ! :) In general I gave biking two thumbs up. The Berlin roads however, do remind me a bit of DC. They’re not easy to navigate and despite leaving early (no really, I did!) for both classes, I was late to both. I figured I’d work out the kinks the next day and be on time.

Now on Wednesday I’m determined to be on time, so I’m generally pedaling a bit faster and I’m feeling more confident as well. It has not no longer been 10 years since I was on a bike and after clocking 20 mi the previous day I’m feeling more capable. Then disaster strikes. There’s this one section of road where the bike lane ends and bikers have to (albeit briefly) merge with traffic. There’s this truck next to me who sort of slows up to let me in, but I decide to let him pass in front of me. Trucks scare me. However, not wanting to miss my window of opportunity, I start pedaling to get going so that I can merge in behind him. That’s when I realize it’s not just a truck, he has a long trailer behind him. Suddenly I’m trapped with a building on my right and the truck’s trailer on the left. I knew it was coming, there was no way around it. My left leg caught the side of the trailer and I was down.

Now before anyone freaks out, I’m fine. My leg is scraped up a bit, but really, who cares? My possessions, which were sprawled out on the pavement are also fine. Even my iPhone suffered no damage (2 points for the Belkin case). The cars behind the truck stopped long enough for me to collect my things and wheel my bike to the sidewalk. Two very concerned German ladies asked me if I was okay. I did not even fain speaking German when I responded that I was alright. In fact I laughed which I think threw them off a bit. They left after I again assured them of my fine-ness.  I waited through one cycle, of the light during which time I realized there was a large enough sidewalk on the other side of the road for bikes, crossed the street and continued to class.

The rest of the ride there was interesting. I kept replaying the fall in my head. Over and over again I watched it happened. I cringed at the idea that I could have been much more severely hurt. (Praise God that it was merely a flesh wound!) I was scared, embarrassed and then overwhelmed with the feeling of failure. I failed, I can’t do it, I may as well go home. It’s a good thing I never really wanted to make it as a performer because I can let myself be so brought down by failure.

After class (which I was a whopping 40 min late to after the fall and another wrong turn) I got home uneventfully. All I could think of was selling the bike and just buying a metro pass. And then resenting the fact that I don’t really feel like I have the money to do that.  And further resenting that I had decided to come to a foreign city without my car, where I don't know know the roads, have cell reception, or speak the language. I had to laugh though at one point I stood up to get something and thought to myself, “I feel like I got hit by a bus.” Well I did get hit by a truck, so I guess the feeling was justified! Finally after a long nap and probably more importantly a chat with one of my best friends back home, I was feeling better.

So here’s some clarity. Yes, I failed. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I’m scared. But also, yes I will keep going. Yes, I will wake up earlier so that I can go slower. Yes, I will trust that my Savior is with me always that I am not alone even though I’m sometimes lonely. And yes, whenever I’m in doubt I will always take the sidewalk. :) It was a long day and a tiring lesson. But today, I got to class without any trouble and I’m even starting to know the way by sight instead of always checking the map. Things will be difficult sometimes and they will seem more difficult because I’m alone. But I have the Lord with me always and He will protect me. And giving up out of fear is not what He has called me to. He’s also given me some pretty amazing friends and family back home that have neither stopped caring about me nor stopped communicating with me.

So lesson of the week: I will fail, but that’s not a reason to give up.