morning person

I can’t believe I haven’t tried this before, but I finally set my alarm on my phone to be a song instead of the usual “Marimba” tone it’s been for the last 4 years. The idea struck me when listening to this.

It’s ironic because I’m not even close to being a Morning Person. But the cheery song was much more pleasant to wake up to than my previous tone. And the humor made me smile a bit instead uttering the usual groan of misery. Now we’ll have to see how this plays out over time, though. The longer I associate this song with waking up, the more likely I am to just end up hating it – which would be a shame. Hopefully, I’ll be able to switch songs before that happens.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about identity. It’s so easy to come to a foreign country (or even any new place) and think, “Oh good, no one knows me here. I can reinvent myself, be whoever I want to be!” And in all honesty that’s sort of how I felt about coming to Berlin. Even though I knew I’d only be here for a few weeks, the freedom to do or be “whoever I wanted to be” was alluring. I even went on a shopping spree before coming here to Europeanize my wardrobe. And it’s funny; I loved picking out the outfits with my friend and trying out some new styles. And I’ve even worn some of the things we chose, but ultimately I’m still just as likely to go to class in a t-shirt and jeans here as I am in the States.

I think I’m rediscovering (because I remember realizing this before) that really, I am who I am. I’m the same Elizabeth in Berlin as I am in the US. And sure goals as trivial as dressing up or going to bed early and waking up on time aren’t bad; I have a tendency to think that in a new environment none of those things will be difficult. For some reason, I trick myself into thinking that in Europe (or any new place) I’ll be that person that I’ve always wanted to be. Super responsible, fashionable, in shape, thin, organized, on time, and outgoing. And then when I got here and realized I’m still the same Elizabeth who wakes up late for class and throws on a sweatshirt, eats way too much chocolate, and would rather go home at the end of the day than go out, there was a small part of me that was surprised. And perhaps if I hadn’t been through this already I’d also be disappointed. But I’m finding now that there’s something surprisingly comforting about the whole scenario. Sure it’s great to have goals of being more organized and on time, for example (something anyone who knows me can tell you is a major struggle of mine) and it’s even great to have a fresh start to remind you to be striving for these goals. But it’s also comforting to know that I don’t change just because I’m somewhere new. I’m still me, the good, the bad and the ugly. Now I’m just me in Germany.

I’m certainly not someone who things we can never change old habits, or shouldn’t be striving to improve some of our shortcomings. But I suppose my point is that it will still take work and focus to overcome our weaknesses. Changing the scenery doesn’t change the amount of effort those things take. I don’t get to move across the pond and suddenly become a Morning Person, or an extrovert, or a health nut, or even more spiritual, or [fill in the blank]. Which is okay. I do still get to be me and learn a ton about what that means and hopefully a bit more about what God wants me to do with this crazy package of talents and flaws He’s given me.  

And as far as mornings are concerned, I guess I’ll just have to keep finding super peppy Sutton Foster songs to wake me up. We’ll see if that changes my attitude! :)