mommy I fell down. but I have to get back up…

So I’m 4 days into language classes, after tomorrow I’ll have finished with my first full week! Crazy! It’s been a lot to take in. My vocabulary is probably my biggest weakness at this point. I don’t remember a lot of the grammar but usually it comes back to me after we discuss it in class. Vocab on the other hand… well that’s challenging. If you’re ever looking for a way to completely frustrate yourself and feel utterly and totally incompetent, enroll in immersion language courses. But I hear this is the best way to learn, so I’ll report back on that in another 4 weeks!

And now, I have another story to tell. On Monday, I bought a bike. I figure the 7 mi ride to class each day will be great exercise and cheaper than riding the metro. Since I’m planning on selling the bike once I leave, I’ll hopefully get all or most of the money back. Tuesday was my first day riding it around and while the long trek to class was tireing, I also felt energized. I also biked to my first German tap class which was sehr spaβ! :) In general I gave biking two thumbs up. The Berlin roads however, do remind me a bit of DC. They’re not easy to navigate and despite leaving early (no really, I did!) for both classes, I was late to both. I figured I’d work out the kinks the next day and be on time.

Now on Wednesday I’m determined to be on time, so I’m generally pedaling a bit faster and I’m feeling more confident as well. It has not no longer been 10 years since I was on a bike and after clocking 20 mi the previous day I’m feeling more capable. Then disaster strikes. There’s this one section of road where the bike lane ends and bikers have to (albeit briefly) merge with traffic. There’s this truck next to me who sort of slows up to let me in, but I decide to let him pass in front of me. Trucks scare me. However, not wanting to miss my window of opportunity, I start pedaling to get going so that I can merge in behind him. That’s when I realize it’s not just a truck, he has a long trailer behind him. Suddenly I’m trapped with a building on my right and the truck’s trailer on the left. I knew it was coming, there was no way around it. My left leg caught the side of the trailer and I was down.

Now before anyone freaks out, I’m fine. My leg is scraped up a bit, but really, who cares? My possessions, which were sprawled out on the pavement are also fine. Even my iPhone suffered no damage (2 points for the Belkin case). The cars behind the truck stopped long enough for me to collect my things and wheel my bike to the sidewalk. Two very concerned German ladies asked me if I was okay. I did not even fain speaking German when I responded that I was alright. In fact I laughed which I think threw them off a bit. They left after I again assured them of my fine-ness.  I waited through one cycle, of the light during which time I realized there was a large enough sidewalk on the other side of the road for bikes, crossed the street and continued to class.

The rest of the ride there was interesting. I kept replaying the fall in my head. Over and over again I watched it happened. I cringed at the idea that I could have been much more severely hurt. (Praise God that it was merely a flesh wound!) I was scared, embarrassed and then overwhelmed with the feeling of failure. I failed, I can’t do it, I may as well go home. It’s a good thing I never really wanted to make it as a performer because I can let myself be so brought down by failure.

After class (which I was a whopping 40 min late to after the fall and another wrong turn) I got home uneventfully. All I could think of was selling the bike and just buying a metro pass. And then resenting the fact that I don’t really feel like I have the money to do that.  And further resenting that I had decided to come to a foreign city without my car, where I don't know know the roads, have cell reception, or speak the language. I had to laugh though at one point I stood up to get something and thought to myself, “I feel like I got hit by a bus.” Well I did get hit by a truck, so I guess the feeling was justified! Finally after a long nap and probably more importantly a chat with one of my best friends back home, I was feeling better.

So here’s some clarity. Yes, I failed. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I’m scared. But also, yes I will keep going. Yes, I will wake up earlier so that I can go slower. Yes, I will trust that my Savior is with me always that I am not alone even though I’m sometimes lonely. And yes, whenever I’m in doubt I will always take the sidewalk. :) It was a long day and a tiring lesson. But today, I got to class without any trouble and I’m even starting to know the way by sight instead of always checking the map. Things will be difficult sometimes and they will seem more difficult because I’m alone. But I have the Lord with me always and He will protect me. And giving up out of fear is not what He has called me to. He’s also given me some pretty amazing friends and family back home that have neither stopped caring about me nor stopped communicating with me.

So lesson of the week: I will fail, but that’s not a reason to give up.